By Steffi Pluschkell, Ph.D., MBA
Most of us have at best an ambivalent attitude towards giving feedback to others and receiving feedback for ourselves. The simple thought of feedback, mixed with memories of prior experience, can trigger an emotional response in us that can diminish the value that feedback could principally provide. In a more helpful and dispassionate sense, feedback is NOT judgement but simply discernment of what is, often relative to a specific goal or target. Feedback, as defined by Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, is the “transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event or process to the original or controlling source”. This controlling source may be an individual (e.g., You), and likely includes contributing factors such as other people, organizational systems, or workflows. Taking a systems engineering approach to feedback, it becomes apparent that giving effective feedback to others in your organization is a skill that can and needs to be learned.
Carefully yet clearly stated feedback on “what is” minimizes the risk of the delivery being clouded by personal judgment and one-sided interpretations, and increases the chances of it being factual, insightful, and actionable. It becomes a good starting point for reflection, deeper conversation between the provider and receiver of the feedback, and a commitment to respond, if necessary, with appropriate adjustments to the course of action. Giving and receiving feedback well requires a considerable dose of humility, respect, and a heightened sense of self-awareness, as feedback discussion is inevitably impacted by fundamental human needs and behaviors. If we tune into and show respect for – rather than bully against – our innate longing for safety, emotional connection, and dignity, even critical feedback is met with far less resistance and unconscious defense mechanisms. Conscious use of verbal and nonverbal mirroring techniques, if applied in a genuine manner, can help you connect with others, build rapport and trust, and acknowledge another person’s situation. Beware of and learn to spot the mechanism of projection in yourself and others, especially in the context of feedback conversations. Projection is a process of displacing one’s feelings onto another person. While in a positive sense projection is a normal human behavior that underpins the ability to feel and express empathy, we are also prone to defensive projection – a case in which we unconsciously attribute our own unacknowledged weaknesses and mistakes onto others.
As a manager of people in an organization, giving regular feedback is your responsibility, and if you are shying away from it you are standing in the way of creating clarity. Lack of effective and regular feedback is disrespectful to employees. It is best to make honest and respectful feedback part of your routine and to turn it into a regular practice that is separate but complementary to the annual or semi-annual performance review cycle. Feedback should be provided with the purpose of learning and growth, both in order to reinforce productive behavior and to identify behavior that must be improved. Remember that feedback is about specific actions, behaviors and words, and never about the whole person. As a manager, communicate that you are an ally in helping your employee grow and develop, not a critic nobody wants to talk or listen to.
Effective feedback needs to be timely, specific, goal-oriented and actionable, so it is best to prepare well and be grounded in facts rather than personal interpretations and assumptions. Maintain an attitude of curiosity and support. Self-awareness is one of the most critical skills for managers, and receiving honest feedback for yourself is a gift that you can invite in order to advance this and other important management skills. Proactively seek feedback on a regular basis, from your supervisor, peers, direct reports, and other trusted individuals. The format can vary from a formal 1:1 to a brief chat, email, or informal discussion over lunch. Embrace a growth mindset and remember that no matter how you may be performing now, you are always growing, and, with a receptive mindset and some effort, you can improve. The most important attitude is one of being willing to listen and to give any corrective feedback an honest consideration as opposed to dismissing it outright as an insult. You have personal choices to make: Listening is not the same as agreeing to the feedback, and it is not the same as acting on it. These are all conscious considerations you can and should take your own time to make. It is your response-ability that counts. Pause to analyze feedback through multiple lenses (facts, rational interpretations, personal values, future possibilities) and take time to develop an intentional response. It is important to respond deliberately to both recognition and corrective feedback. Lastly, don’t forget to follow up! The people around you, including your manager, will be far more likely to notice your progress if you are letting them know what actions you have taken to make progress and improve.