The crucial steps when having difficult conversations with staff.
By Erik Burns, Ed.D.
If you think about the past week, you can probably recall a number of disagreements with those close to you. The same can be said for the workplace. We spend a significant amount of our time and effort at work, and we need to make that time as productive and healthy as possible. Conflict in the workplace can take up a great deal of our energy resulting in lost productivity/revenue, illness, turnover, and a slew of other issues you just don’t want to deal with.
While conflict within the workplace is common, a skilled approach in addressing certain types of conflict can sometimes be a missing skill set. Knickle, McNaughton, and Downar1 suggest that when conflict does arise, it is due to a specific process of “naming, blaming, and claiming.” Specifically, naming occurs when an individual feels slighted and that a situation is unfairly adverse. Blaming assigns credit for the problem, and claiming occurs when the slighted party seeks out the appropriate avenue for remedy.
However, what do you do next? The bad news is that addressing, or claiming, the conflict will not be easy. However, the good news is that there is a process for addressing this portion.
The Process
Step 1: Before having that difficult conversation, have a conversation with yourself. Remember, when working through conflict, the only person you can control is you.
Some questions to ask yourself include:
- Based on my relationship with this person, what can I realistically hope to achieve by having a conversation?
- What’s my “secret agenda” for this conversation? (Long-term harmony? Revenge? Change in the other person?)
- What’s my contribution to the situation?
- Do I tend to look for problems with this person or about this issue?
- Do my past experiences or family issues come into play?
- Is this a recurring problem?
- How committed am I to being “right”?
- What reasonable, actionable solution can I offer?
Take time to determine your conflict style. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a useful tool. It outlines five conflict-handling modes that range in level of assertiveness as well as level of cooperation.
Learn more about the TKI in this profile by its creators.2
Determine the type of conflict: Relationship, task, process, or status. Conflicts can focus on one or more of these.
Next, have a plan. I like the O.G.S.M. framework:
- Objective: Layout your vision for the result (link it to the company mission).
- Goals: The stepping stones to achieve the objective. Make them specific, measurable, achievable, and compatible.
- Strategies: Where focus will be placed.
- Measures: Benchmarks on our progress.
This self-talk is the time to ask yourself the important questions, gather data, and plan your approach and timing.
Step 2: Time for the conversation: State the problem via facts, and stick to the facts. Acknowledge other views and your contribution. Admit if you are wrong, and use positive body language. Stay calm, listen, and don’t interrupt.
Step 3: Determine the ideal outcome, and outline what needs to change. Document if necessary. Define the next steps.
Step 4: Follow through/follow-up. Reconnect with the person, if possible. Evaluate how you did.
Step 5: Practice!
References
1 Knickle K, McNaughton N, Downar J. Beyond winning: mediation, conflict resolution, and non-rational sources of conflict in the ICU. Critical Care. 2012;16(3): 308.
2 Thomas KW, Kilmann RH. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument: Profile and Interpretive Report. Published March 2, 2010.
Erik Burns, Ed.D., is assistant dean of Outreach & Professional Development at the University of Wisconsin-Madison School of Pharmacy.